Kristin Rivers is a published short story/fiction writer, blogger and book reviewer from Chicopee who loves cats, music, travel and nature photography. She graduated from Smith College in 2016 and recently contributed to The Poetry Center’s renga project examining life in the time of COVID-19.
Shaken Faith
Everywhere I turn, worship falls silent around me.
Within days, no music sings praises, pews are left empty and there is no church family to see. Then a decision, just one, that should have not been done at all,leaves me angry and fearful, because the one serving all dropped the common sense ball.
I should have left before now; I knew the writing was on the stained glass.
But I feared the unknown and change, denying the inevitable would ever come to pass. Words fly like flaming arrows filled with anger and cries for those who won’t try to speak in a time where you can no longer stay quiet, hidden and meek.
As I scream I ask why and shake my head, throw my hands in the air,
not understanding why people will not listen to reason or care. But eventually I say goodbye, a goodbye I thought I’d never say, one I send out in an uncertain time, not wanting to think of who may never see the very next day.
Behind me boundaries rise like prison walls blocking the outside world from my shattered heart, the wounds of a faithful person growing deeper, beginning to fall apart. My faith withers like a dying flower thirsting for water and life, struggling to rebuild after going through so much strife.
Months later, I wonder what now? I am so torn because the world I knew is gone and I cannot help but cry and mourn. Where I go from here is a mystery needing space and time to recover because life and faith as I knew it is no longer about caring for one another
The future is scary, no understanding or forgiveness to be found. It’s hard to find peace in the quiet, away from the angrier, more vocal sound. People say this or that to justify why it was done, but forget an example was lost amid moral failings, apologies none.
The pews will never see me again nor my voice singing praises above as I take a leap and hope to soar like the peaceful dove. I may be shaken as trust tries to put the pieces back together. but a new home, in time, will bring it back, stronger than ever.
I almost lost my faith for the moment, but found my strength to stand, remembering that the One who matters most, had never let go of my hand. So for the last time I say goodbye and cry, spreading those wings, knowing I will find a new way to fly.